i'm such an idiot. it took so much effort to break the habit of daily sms n occassional phone conversations. but my itchy hand had to go dial tt no. n my impossible-to-shut mouth hv to go yak yak yak until my phone batt went flat n mommy couldn't contact me n we ended up waiting for each other at v far apart places. the whole motivation of wanting to be a gd girl who does her tutorials hv juz gone flying out of the window bcoz all i'm capable of now is using up loads of tissue paper, doing stupid frenster bulletins n looking at tt damn photo. packing my entire wk with events n blowing more than a hundred bucks on dresses n stilettos tt i wld prob only wear once seem to only hv temporary "happy" effects. to be honest, the shoes r now scattered on the floor of my bedroom looking v apologetic for giving me horrid blisters frm too much prancing in front of the mirror. the dress is keeping my legs warm frm the freezing aircon coz i'm too lazy to reach into the cupboard for a proper jacket or simply off the idiotic machine. perhaps nxt time i shld just spend $10 on tt "daddy's expensive little girl" t-shirt. tt way my daddy wouldn't hv a heart attack the nxt time he sees my bank bal. anyway, the daddy is off in some malaysian forest n the mother is out caring for an aunt. i'm jealous. the one day i get my ass hm early, half the house is empty n i bet the sisters will start screaming once they see how much of the belgium-imported chocs i hv wolfed down due to my rather sorry emotional state at the moment. mayb i'll be the one screaming tmr when i pile on another 10 pounds around my butt area n not be able to fit into my nice, new but not to mention skimpy dress. bahx. i'm irritated with the world n more irritated with tt stupid lock (whose key i hv burried in the deepest corners of my really messy drawer). there was a reason why i bought tt cheap piece of metal. n there was a reason why i hung it around my neck the whole of today. but apparently it didn't remind me not to open up wat is already hurt n vulnerable n subjecting it to further shreading. mayb i shld go get one of those junkfood vintage tee tt says "little miss stubborn" coz i so obviously am. or mayb i shld buy the fake $15 versions since i'm not exactly rolling in dough at the moment. dammit. teo xinyu is not picking my call too! where is the ppl when u wanna rant?! looks like tis yr will be a smaller scale bdae. oct hv already started n the only sure celebration i'll get is frm the family which needless to say is expected to be of a certain scale as it has always been. it'll be really material but i'm not saying lack of love. i'm appreciative tt alisa sacrificed her award ceremony to spend my day with me n the family but i suppose everything will pale in comparison to last yr. serve me right for having such lovable frens who set such high standards tt it'll be pretty hard to mimick once again. it still all boils down to me ordering my own cake. fuck. i can't seem to let tt go. by buying a whole new set of outfits n possibly going to do something to my hair n nails i tink tt justifies as buying my own present too. my period is probably coming with me linking all the bad things tgt. which brings me to the pt of tt bird dying in front of me. or at least spending its last breathing moments in front of me coz i believe i stepped away before it passed on. which freaking bird can fly fly fly n smack onto a tree!???!?! or perhaps it was nesting n it fell off in typical 'clumsy me' style. but the blood! seriously omg. to take suay-ness to another lvl my screwed up driving. all the way to bukit batok for nothing. tt lousy traffic police officer dunno the meaning of flexibility lah. dinosaur ages lor. n to tink i tried to act cute to get my way through. it always wrk so either he is blind or he is very blind! yes, i refuse to believe i'm not cute so the only conclusion i hv reached is tt he is the blindest of the blind. grrr. or mayb its coz i'm old now n he doesn't like old ppl coz they remind him of how much older he is. wakakaka. i wan flowers. sounds stupid but i feel like having some tlc now even if the pampering hinges on the sole fact of ugly ppl heaping expensive gifts on me. its rather sad tt i hv to walk bugis n tm alone for two days tis wk bcoz of my strange n totally random cravings for takopatchi octopus balls. oh ya, the dhl balloon tt i soooo wanna go sit on is gonna close down according to xiaxue's blog. i dun really care if the owners go bankrupt paying for the helium in tt humongous balloon. but i give a damn if they close down before i even get a chance to ride it. n for further toppings on top of my NOT 50 cent ice-cream cone, mommy juz announced tt i'm too big for presents n i wun be having any tis yr. so poo poo head rite? give me fried food! now. esp nuggets.. the chicken sort with alot alot alot of tomato ketchup. play an emo love song n tuck me into bed, my non-existant love. before i bang my head into the wall n flush all my cash down the toilet bowl. ya, i feel drunk though all i hv had to drink tis evening is herbal soup. perhaps i shld join yilynn in getting a tattoo or a belly ring like cher. coz somehow fake eyelashes dun seem wild n rebellious enough for me.

oh ya, i hv decided to see wat the fad abt facebook is all abt. at the moment it confuses me n i hate it. wat can i say? i'm a true blue friendster girl.